I was listening to an interview last week on the Live Inspired podcast, when Michele Cushatt was talking about how she made a list of what she’d lost after battling cancer in her tongue three times. She talked about how she looked at that extremely long list and just grieved over what she had lost. She also made a list of what she’d gained through her situation. She said that was a long list, as well, because she had learned so many things spiritually and physically that most people will never comprehend. She’s a motivational speaker and she talks with a lisp. After every speaking event, she said, there’s always a handicapped person who has trouble talking and they say, “Thank you for being inspiring.” When a person says that to her, she said, it means everything to her.
I can relate somewhat, although I haven’t had cancer and would never dare to claim that dystonia is harder to endure than cancer. I have no idea how people live with cancer or what they go through day after day.
I do, however, understand losing parts of myself. I lost the ability to speak and the ability to use my right hand, and I have only 30 percent dexterity in my left hand. I’m unable to drive (I’ll always grieve over this one) because I’ll never have the freedom to spontaneously get in a car of my own and go spend time with my older sister if I wanted to…or take my nephews to the park. Sometimes I have days when I wish I could do more with my life than just the mundane things. But my job is to take care of myself every day. That consists of taking medicine, drinking coffee, spending time with the Lord, eating lunch, listening to podcasts, music and audio books, watching YouTube videos to learn new art techniques, texting people, charging the batteries in my chest and the list goes on. I’m very thankful I can stay home by myself. While living with dystonia can be difficult, it’s also a moment by moment dependence on the Lord day after day.
What are you grieving over?
Are you depending on the Lord in your life?